17-year-old refuses to forgive dad for prioritizing his 2nd wife and her kids over him after he lost his mother when he was 13: 'I told him that he was too late'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Aug 7, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

A lot of absent fathers aren't total deadbeats. They go to work, pay the bills, and are physically present in the home, but they aren't emotionally present. They don't particularly care if their kid is doing well in school, or who their friends are, or if they get to see them before they go to bed. If it were up to them, they probably wouldn't have been a father, but since they were given this lot in life, they're not going to walk away from it. They're not cowardly enough to leave for milk and never come back, but they're not upstanding enough to commit to being emotionally close with their kids. That would take effort that, for them, would be better spent sitting in front of the TV or getting some brewskis with the boys. Kids with this kind of father often struggle because they're told they're there for them when they clearly aren't. 

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  • Shallow focus photograph of a teenage boy standing in front of trees
    via Ben den Engelsen

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • The kid in this story has struggled because his dad is a textbook absent present father, and he lost his mom when he was 13. Ever since, his dad has worked to rebuild his life by getting remarried and having another kid, but has put his relationship with his son on the back burner.

  • AITA for saying if my dad wanted a better relationship with me he should have focused on that instead of getting married and having more kids?

    TLDR Version: Dad wasn't around for me (17m) or mom who d d when I was 13. He kept money from us, didn't spend time with us, would curse at me when I tried to spend time with him. He was like a roommate. Then he started dating someone when I was 15 and was more involved with her and then her kids and
    via u/Nohdyxxa
  • even had a baby with her before he tried anything with me. Then he got us therapy where he apologized and I didn't engage until our last session where I told him he should have focused on repairing our relationship before getting married again and having more kids.
    via u/Nohdyxxa
  • A bride and groom holding hands while sitting next to each other
    via Ahmed (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • My (17m) dad was never around for me. He and my mom were married, he lived in the same house as us, but he felt more like a roommate than a dad/husband. He worked full time and mom worked part time and eventually
    via u/Nohdyxxa
  • full time when I turned 8. Even when they both started working full time he was more interested in fixing up cars and working than being with us.
    via u/Nohdyxxa
  • It wasn't like he was a great provider either. There were times we didn't have enough and he would tell mom there wasn't more money to buy groceries or whatever. Those were times mom had to go to her family and ask for help. But something I found
    via u/Nohdyxxa
  • out after mom d d is that he always had money. He saved a of money fixing those cars and selling them. He just kept that money away from us.
    via u/Nohdyxxa
  • When I was little I so wanted him to be more of a regular dad who spent time with me and would let me hang out with him. But he locked himself into the garage most nights and the few nights he didn't do that he invited his friends over and they watched a game or something. Whenever I
    via u/Nohdyxxa
  • A group of men standing next to each other
    via Michael T (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • tried to join he'd tell me to find my mom or play by myself and I was too young to hang out with him or them. He wouldn't let me help when he was fixing up cars either. There were times he'd yell at me to get the f away because I was trying to get him to let me in.
    via u/Nohdyxxa
  • My mom would always try to talk dad into doing more with me but he dismissed it. Sometimes I wonder if she was afraid of him or whether she had really bad self- esteem because I could never figure out why she stayed. She threw everything into filling in the gaps he left in my life and she did everything else she could for me expect leaving him. I loved my
    via u/Nohdyxxa
  • mom. I still love my mom. When she got sick it broke me and when she did it shattered everything. It was after mom dd that I gave up on dad. Even me losing mom at 13 didn't make him wake the f and do better or try because I was now without the only parent who truly raised me.
    via u/Nohdyxxa
  • It was two years after mom d d when dad started spending time with a woman. It went from her to her and her two kids and then they suddenly lived in the house and then they were married. Then she was pregnant. Seeing my dad be such a different husband and dad/dad figure was a mindfuck.
    via u/Nohdyxxa
  • He helped his wife with chores, spent time with her and praised her. He spent time with her kids like he never did with me. He even went to the different appointments. He put a photo of the ultrasound and his wife and stepkids in his wallet. There was never one of me or mom in there.
    via u/Nohdyxxa
  • It was almost a year ago that dad started reaching out to me. I rejected him and he signed us up for family therapy. We go twice a month. He says he wants to make our relationship better and that he wants to be a better dad to me. That he regrets not being there when I was growing up and he's sorry I felt like I only had one parent and then none. That he's
    via u/Nohdyxxa
  • sorry he wasn't better and more engaged and for all the times he pushed me away and cursed at me and reacted in anger to me wanting time with him. He says he wants to finally do the right thing and be the dad to me that he was always supposed to be. But all of this came after he moved on and started a new family. It even comes after he
    via u/Nohdyxxa
  • spent a lot of that money he saved while mom was alive on his wife's kids and on their new baby. He even bought his wife a new car from it. I got nothing and that money was saved largely when mom was alive. It was such a fed up thing to see.
    via u/Nohdyxxa
  • I didn't say anything in therapy for almost a year. I didn't want to be there. I told him that before we started therapy. But I wasn't Fa given much of a choice. I do make it hard for him to get more sessions in because I work a lot when I'm not in school. Over and
    via u/Nohdyxxa
  • over again I have been asked to speak or to say how I felt about what dad said or to respond in some way to his apology. But I never said anything. Then the therapist asked to speak to me alone and she told me she knows I don't want to be there but at least if I open up and say something, anything, she could
    via u/Nohdyxxa
  • help dad to accept the reality and that she didn't know if I wanted to fix things but make him suffer first or wanted nothing to do with him.
    via u/Nohdyxxa
  • So the session after that one I told him that he was too late and if he wanted a better relationship with me he should have focused on that before marrying again and having more kids because it was just me coming last again. He
    via u/Nohdyxxa
  • swore it wasn't true and he was sorry if that hurt me but he wanted to make it work now and he'd work on it now. I told him what I said stands. The therapist tried to make him accept it but he told me I was punishing him unfairly. AITA?
    via u/Nohdyxxa
  • Happy Vegetable8853 NTA, not even a little bit. I went through something incredibly similar. My biological father was technically present, like physically in the same house, attending events, but emotionally and mentally? Never. He was more invested in his job and hobbies than in being a parent. Like yours, he'd snap at me when I wanted his attention. I remember being a kid just wanting to help him fix something and getting screamed at to leave mind my business. That stuff sticks with you.
    via u/Happy_Vegetable8853
  • After my mom passed, things just fell apart. I was grieving and he didn't step up, just got more distant. I moved in with my aunt and uncle. Then suddenly he finds a new woman, plays happy family with her and her kids, and acts like they deserved the version of him I always wished for. And just like you, I found out he had resources he never shared with us. He was just choosing where to put his energy and love, and it wasn't me or mom.
    via u/Happy_Vegetable8853
  • We did the therapy thing too after few years down the line. He cried, apologized, said he regretted everything. But to me it felt like he was trying to fix his conscience, not our relationship. Like he wanted peace, not us to heal. In the end, I didn't feel like any of this was for my benefit. I tried, but no amount of therapy could undo the years of neglect. It's not about revenge it's about protecting your peace when someone has consistently shown you where you stand in their priorities.
    via u/Happy_Vegetable8853
  • You're not punishing him you're being honest about your experience and your boundaries. And that's more than he ever gave you. You're absolutely not the ahle. Stay strong, man. You deserved better from the start.
    via u/Happy_Vegetable8853
  • Nohdyxxa OP I'm really sorry you had those experiences too. It does something to you when a parent is physically present in your space but not in your life. He never made it to anything. Father's Day wasn't really celebrated because he preferred to be alone. Any time I had a Father's Day related activity it was easier to skip it than bring mom because it would bring up questions neither of us liked answering. Because everyone knew my parents were married and living together.
    via u/Nohdyxxa
  • I so relate to feeling like he chose not to put his energy and love into us. The money is probably a smaller part for me but also not, because he had help via mom to save that and used it on the second family. That is incredibly messed up. The reason I say he had help is because there would be less in it if mom hadn't worked her a off and asked for help to keep us fed. He'd have needed to buy stuff to eat and even bills and stuff. I hate him now that I know he was saving all that money and used
    via u/Nohdyxxa

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family drama mother stepbrother stepmom wife bad parenting reddit story parenting dad family stepsister reddit thread Reddit mom Father Parenting FAILS
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